Dead Man Sitting
- Admin
- May 8, 2017
- 10 min read
What professional wrestling is to me, soap operas are to my wife. It’s a fair trade. The parallels between the two are absolutely undeniable and for anyone that isn’t familiar with “soaps”, expect a future article from myself going into their uncanny similarities in more detail. But if I have learned anything from watching parts of Days of Our Lives over the years, it is that no one is really ever dead. I mean literally, you cannot count on any one character to ever be gone forever. For example, in the early 2000’s there was a Scream-like story line where a masked killer dubbed “The Salem Stalker” was on the loose in their town, secretly killing off main characters one by one each week. It was a very uncharacteristic and attention grabbing story line for a soap opera as main characters are not normally “written off” that easily, and people started to question if and how the writers would bring back all of these stars of the show. As viewers began to feel as if they would never see their most beloved and favorite Salem inhabitants again, it was revealed that none of them had actually died at all, and in short each person was apparently drugged and replaced with a doppelgänger, and then moved to a tropical replica of their hometown called Melaswen (New Salem backwards) where they were ignorantly living their lives without any recollection of what had happened at all. (And you thought Attitude Era writing was “out there”)
Don't worry, I'm getting to wrestling in a second. Pushing long-term fictional store writing to the limits, Day of Our Lives might as well have said, “Yeah, we are in too deep. We take it all back. Pretend those people never really died”. Countless times throughout the 50+ years of being on the air they have killed people off and brought them back to life, to the point where viewers expect to see these characters eventually rise from the dead. But there is one exception. The exception is when they show the person’s ghost after they have died. If an opaque floating version of that person makes one last on-screen appearance in an attempt to tell their remaining loved ones that “everything will be alright”, then you can be damn sure that the writers have spoken and that character (and actor) is gone for good.
I did not see The Undertaker’s ghost at the end of WrestleMania 33.
To the displease of many and the delight of few, on the grandest stage of them all WWE superstar and apparent “heir to the throne” Roman Reigns pinned The Undertaker clean in what appears to be the dead man’s last match of his career. After 32 spears and 26 superman punches (approximately), Taker was finally pinned in the center of the ring where he then folded and laid down his jacket, gloves and hat as a symbol of “I’m too old for this shit”. Conveniently he only needed to walk roughly a quarter of the way back up the enormous WrestleMania entrance ramp before mysterious smoke submerged him and he slowly descended into the ground. Still ten years shy of receiving social security but old enough to prefer early-bird dinner specials, the dead man has finally retired.
Or has he?
With a passion for playing “devil’s advocate” and a habit of questioning the actuality of all things related to the business of professional wrestling, let’s dive into some reasons to why I truly believe that we have not yet seen Mark Calaway’s last match.
Reason # 1: Reigns Dropped the Torch
It has been stated that Taker apparently chose Reigns to be his last opponent, allowing him to pin him clean on the grandest stage of them all as a “passing of the torch”. If this is truly the case, when Reigns reached out for the torch he clumsily bumped it out of Taker’s hand causing it to fall to the mat, igniting not only the entire ring but the prestige of The Undertaker’s final in-ring performance as well.
To be blunt, Roman ruined it. And now that I have re-watched the match three or four times, I stand behind that statement completely. The moment was seemingly too big for Reigns and the responsibility of metaphorically “burying” the dead man overcame him. Taker’s last opponent needed to be someone with the ability to carry the match, in turn elevating the perception and performance of the 52-year old veteran in his farewell fight; the exact same way that Shawn Michaels did for Ric Flair in his final bout at WrestleMania 24.
This is how a wrestling legend’s last match should look and feel, start to finish. There was actual real anticipation leading up to the match, great in-ring chemistry, incredible and surprising spots, and all leading up to the unforgettable finish that was assisted with an emotional “I’m sorry, I love you” from Michaels before super-kicking Flair out of professional wrestling and into an AARP membership. It was incredible to watch. Reigns and Taker did not feel incredible to watch, by any means. At one point during the match one of our friends attending the WrestleMania party I was at actually screamed out, “Oh man! This is embarrassing! I can barely watch! Oh man!” while burying his face into a pillow. (Granted, this was immediately following the reverse tombstone botch by Reigns, but regardless you should not be hearing comments like this during an all-time great’s final match) A cliché quote from a well-known comic book says “great power comes with great responsibility”. If this is the case, I’m not sure Reigns is ready to have all of the power he has been given. There are plenty of other candidates that I truly believe would have handled the responsibility of being Taker’s last opponent significantly better than Reigns. (Gratuitous segue)
Reason # 2: Anyone Else
CM Punk. HHH. Bray Wyatt. Even Shane McMahon, or freaking Brock Lesnar. Any of these recent opponents would have been a drastic improvement for Taker’s last match. The Shane O’ Mac match at last year’s WrestleMania was slow I know, but with the big spots and history between the two, at least it had the “feels” of a career ending fight (for both Taker and Shane for that matter), and would have allowed Taker to go out on top with a win. And even more so, his loss to Brock at WrestleMania 30 would have been an infinitely better way to walk away from wrestling, with allowing an established future WWE Hall of Famer in Lesnar to not only break the streak, but at the same time retire the dead man.
It doesn’t matter if it was actually Taker that decided Reigns would be his final opponent, or if it was Vince planting the seed, either way it turned out to be a bad decision. I truly feel that even Taker himself could admit that it didn’t go the way he wanted to. With that being said there are so many other (and better) options available for a shot at redemption if Taker were to come back for one last match. Stealing the formula from the Michaels/Flair match, think of how good The Undertaker could have looked in his farewell match had he have fought someone like A.J. Styles. Styles is the closest thing to Shawn Michaels in the business today, and would have given Taker every ounce of energy he had in him to guarantee that Taker’s last match was unforgettable. In that same breathe Finn Balor could have also accomplished this, while also adding a “Demon vs. Dead Man” storyline that would have made for possibly two of the greatest entrances in WrestleMania history. Do you think Kevin Owens would have botched that tombstone spot? I don’t. And if he did, the recovery wouldn’t have been a second failed attempt followed by a push and a superman punch out of nowhere. I know it seems like I’m bashing Roman hard here, which I totally am, but when we are talking about the final match of possibly the greatest wrestling superstar in the history of the sport, his opponent needs to be the perfect person. Someone you can count on. Someone that values loyalty, and respect, and hustle. (Gratuitous segue #2)
Reason # 3: Give Me Undertaker vs. John Cena Please
Rumors teased it during the “Road to WrestleMania”, but for whatever reason it was scrapped and WWE decided to go a different route with each wrestler. I get that Cena is not A.J. Styles and I also understand that there would be similarities to Reigns vs Taker, but can we all just take our smark goggles off for a second and remember that this is John Cena we are talking about. If anyone in the business deserves the responsibility of carrying Taker’s actual last match, it’s easily this man. The two have never faced off at WrestleMania and haven’t even had a televised match since 2006. They are two of the biggest stars in WWE history, and now that The Undertaker has fulfilled his “old-school wrestling passing of the torch” by losing to Reigns, let’s all just cut the crap and have the match that should have happened in the first place.
Whether it’s WrestleMania 34 or 35, Taker and Cena can and should happen. Taker will be 53 or 54 years old, and will easily have just enough left in the tank for one last proper bout against the real face of the company in Cena. I mean, Flair was 59 years old at WrestleMania XXIV when he battled Shawn. Now that Taker has “done the right thing” by laying down for Reigns, he can answer the call for an encore by wrestling Cena at WrestleMania 33, land a handful of tombstones, roll his eyes in the back of his head, stick his tongue out and pin Cena in the center of the ring, going out on top while giving all of his lifelong fans the farewell that they want and more importantly that they deserve.
But if this were to happen and he actually came back to fight Cena, what would Taker do about his ring attire? I mean, we all saw The Undertaker come to the ring in his jacket and hat, take them off to wrestle, and put them back on again after losing only to take them off seconds later and lay them in the ring. (Which added to the bizarreness of this match) For all we know, those garments are still sitting there and will remain there forever. So what would Taker wear if he came back one last time?? (Gratuitous segue #3)
Reason # 4: Taker Has a Michael Jordan Moment
Let’s have a light hearted moment here. Picture this: John Cena obtains his 17th World Championship next year at Royal Rumble, breaking Flair’s record and sending the WWE Universe into a frenzy during the Road to WrestleMania. Cena is giving a humble speech in the ring on Raw about how he has worked his ass off his whole life to get to where he is at, and how nothing was ever handed to him. He begins to explain how he has now accomplished everything he set out to accomplish during his career with the WWE, except… the opportunity to face off with a certain WWE legend on the grandest stage of them all at WrestleMania. Cena continues to explain that unfortunately there is no way this can happen however, as that certain wrestler has not only “hung up his boots”, but had symbolically left his ring attire in the middle of the ring approximately just one year prior.
Oh yeah, I’m going there. Queue Kid Rock please. Just how Michael Jordan came out of retirement to place an asterisk on the end of his career by playing a less than mediocre final season for the Washington Wizards, here comes The "American Badass" for one “last ride” to face John Cena at WrestleMania 34. Possibly in a retirement match because why not? Tell me how this wouldn’t be absolutely incredible. (And completely absurd) I’ve seen stranger things happen in the WWE. I’m not saying that there is a good chance we see this happen, hell I’m not even saying there is a 1% chance we see this happen.
But then again, if you would have told me that Goldberg was going to come back and not only wrestle again but also win a WWE World Championship in 2017, I would have told you to go fly a kite.
Reason # 5: It’s Hard to Let Go
With no unnecessary segue announcement needed, I bring you my final reason I think that we will see The Undertaker wrestle again. To quote Boyz II Men, “It’s so hard, to say goodbye, to yesterday”. It ain’t easy to quit cold turkey. Taker will get the itch, just like most other professional athletes that stop doing something they love and that has been such a huge part of their life for so long. Other greats such as Flair, Hogan, Terry Funk, Bret Hart and now Goldberg have all come out of retirement to have one last run in the squared circle. Had the match with Reigns at WrestleMania 33 gone significantly better, I think that Mark Calaway probably would have never wrestled again. But until WWE puts out an official statement (a tweet from Vince doesn’t count, it’s a work), I just can’t bring myself to believe that’s how it’s going to end. The best part of the match was having Jim Ross call it, but now with his recent 2-year WWE legends contract, he can call the next one too! I just have not gotten the impression that anyone is completely satisfied with this ending at all. Not Vince. Not the WWE Universe. And probably not Taker. If you are going to have a 3-Star match (which I think is generous), at least have it be with someone like Sting, where obviously no one would be expecting the most physically gifted match ever but also no one would care due to the magnitude surrounding a dream matchup of that caliber. Sting has recently been quoted saying that there is still “unfinished business” and that him vs. Taker has always been a dream match that fans have clearly wanted. He is even holding off on having career ending neck surgery, as if he is leaving the option open for a brief window of time. Again, we have seen crazier things happen as of lately.
Years from now when my son is old enough to embrace professional wrestling, and I have the difficult task of trying to explain to him the immortal being that is The Undertaker, I want to be able to look back at his departure with more confidence and satisfaction that it was the exit that a legend such as himself truly deserved. I don’t want it to be the last episode of Full House, where the show was cancelled midway through their last season out of nowhere and they had to throw together some sort of half-assed finale. After 8 seasons they deserved better. And after 27 years and being the WWE’s longest tenured in-ring performer ever, Taker deserves better.
Comments