Bread Sticks & Meat Sauce: Why @TheRealVirgil Is The Best Wrestling Twitter Account There Is.

Admin
Mar 20, 2017
6 min read

The luckiest day of my life may have occurred in June of 2003. I had just recently graduated from high school and with $10 bucks in my pocket was looking to indulge in some teriyaki chicken from the food court at our local mall. Still adapting to the freedoms that came with being able to drive and working a part-time job, teriyaki chicken was easily a bi-weekly indulgence for me at the time. Except on this particular day the girl that called out my order to the cook accidentally kicked over a mop bucket, got side-tracked and forgot to take my money. And being the poor 18 year-old that I was, I didn’t remind her. This was my first stroke of good luck that day.

With a Chinese food induced coma I began aimlessly wondering the mall like a teenage zombie, looking for the perfect thing to blow my $10 dollars on. It was a weekday afternoon so the mall was basically empty except for the usual “mall walkers”, and some tables that were setup selling old sports cards and memorabilia. Sifting through some old Fleer Ultra card sets that a man was selling, I spotted a solo table down the way. The table had nothing on it except for some photos, and a bald black man was sitting behind the table alone. From a large window sunlight poured in over the man and his table, as if God himself was showing me the way. I drew closer like a moth. As I approached I could make out the words on the plain black banner behind the table; “Virgil: Wrestling Superstar – Autographs $10.00”. Completely taken off guard I stood there for a moment, processing what I was seeing. I had literally just stumbled across Virgil at my hometown mall selling autographs.

Now I completely understand that I may have embellished my opening statement. Of course this wasn’t the luckiest day of my life. The day I somehow landed my wife would most likely take that honor. But to be fair, not only did I score free chicken teriyaki, I then found a WWF-era wrestler giving autographs at the mall for the exact dollar amount that I saved on my lunch. Lucky or not, the professional wrestling gods were watching over me that day.

He looked terrible. Like a crack-head basically, and I feel completely comfortable saying that because I’ve seen Virgil refer to himself as a crack-head on his twitter account @TheRealVirgil. He was wearing a stretched out faded shirt, some sweatpants and some untied construction boots. Kind of looked like a black Happy Gilmore. Regardless, he was elated that I stopped to talk with him, and my stroke of good fortune earlier at Asian Chao left me the exact amount of cash I needed to buy a black and white press photo that he happily autographed for me right then and there. He relentlessly tried to sell me on the larger $20-dollar photo even though I told him I didn’t have enough money, but that’s neither here nor there.

“I’m a high school math teacher at the moment, but this is how I get my fuck money”, Virgil explained to me.

Ah yes, fuck money. A term that has come to embody Virgil’s post-wrestling career so much that is has basically become his unofficial slogan. To the extent that he has his own song called “Fuck Money Baby” (courtesy of the Same Roberts Show). According to Urban Dictionary, the official definition of fuck money is:

“Fuck money is THE fuck money. You need that money to fuck with and that is why everyone fucks with it and needs it son.”

Much to my enjoyment, this is something Virgil tweets about often. He tweets ideas on how he is going to obtain that fuck money. He encourages others to go and get that fuck money. And in times of need he tweets about how he wishes he had that fuck money. Basically if you are not already following @TheRealVirgil on Twitter, first go follow him immediately, and then sit back and get ready to enjoy tweets about not only fuck money, but all of the things that are dearest to Virgil; Olive Garden, Olive Garden breadsticks, meat sauce in general, all women, his (alleged) celebrity friendships, his vulgar and candid opinions on the world, strippers, and more recently Stouffer's lasagna. As a perfect example, refer to the Twitter poll that he literally just tweeted moments ago while I was writing.

Being a long time @TheRealVirgil follower, I of course voted “Stay home & eat Stouffers”, as I like to view Virgil as more of a glass half full guy, unlike the 40% that voted “Cry myself to sleep”. But more so than Stouffer's, Virgil for years now has tweeted about his unconditional love and commitment to the OG. He has tweeted out about Olive Garden so much that random fans started tweeting their OG experiences to Virgil. And eventually just like Stouffer's, Olive Garden took notice to Virgil’s infatuation with Italian cuisine and began tweeting back at him, thanking him for his loyalty.

More specifically than Olive Garden though, Virgil is a huge fan of meat sauce and breadsticks. Free breadsticks to be exact. Personally, one of my favorite “Virgil-isms” is how he uses “meat sauce” as an informal adjective. For example:

For a man that loves to tweet about his financial misfortunes and hardships, you can’t help but love Virgil’s continuous optimism and appreciation for the simple things in life. He doesn't take himself seriously.

He almost makes you feel sorry for him, but at the same time lets you know he will be alright. Sort of like the Woodrow character that Tracy Morgan played on SNL. Actually, exactly like the Woodrow character that Tracy Morgan played on SNL.

This makes him insanely likeable. Almost to the point where I question if his whole real life social media persona is actually a shoot. Would not surprise me. He embraces the “Lonely Virgil” persona, tweeting out pictures with him Photoshopped in with celebrities. Over the years the “Lonely Virgil” character has been embraced so much by fans that someone actually made a website called www.lonelyvirgil.net, where people can contribute pictures of Virgil looking lonely at different conventions and events where he is selling autographs and merchandise. Exactly what he was doing when I encountered him.

But not everything is sad and lonely with Michael “Mike” Jones. (Yes, his real name is MIKE JONES) He occasionally will tweet both surprisingly and uplifting photos of him actually with different celebrities, leaving you with a little hope that Virgil is actually making some progress. They aren’t always celebrities that I would expect to see with Virgil, but it still makes me feel good nonetheless.

The more and more that Virgil tweets out, he is putting himself more and more “over” in the social media world. More “over” than he has been in the wrestling world for decades. And in-turn he is slowly making himself relevant in the wrestling world again with fans, as you can see here on a recent Monday Night Raw. (hard to make out, but the sign says "Virgil owes me money")

He is one of the only wrestlers (past and present) that I follow on Twitter that seems to have a real-life sub story slowly building in the background. I truly enjoy following his continuous efforts and pursuit to become relevant again, and more importantly to get that fuck money. Not only is he comedic and entertaining with all of his social media posts, his life story urges me to consistently root for him in all that he does. And I will continue to follow him and root for him until he becomes the official spokesman of Olive Garden or Stouffer's. I honestly don’t think it’s out of the question that we could see Virgil starring in a hilarious and quirky Stouffer's lasagna commercial here in the near future. And if that happens, Virgil will no longer be playing the role of “a black slave for a rich white dude” (as he refers to in his Twitter bio). He will no longer be “Lonely Virgil”. Unlike the hundreds of L’s he took in his wrestling career, for once in his life, Virgil will be winning.